Please don't use social media to get back at me.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
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Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
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didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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