i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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