i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
