...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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