Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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