he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
