We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
