I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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