Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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