i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
that may or may not have been my penis.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
