smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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