At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
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I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
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I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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