We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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