Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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