i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
