I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
