Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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