you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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