sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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