We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
