Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
