Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
