Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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