So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
