her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
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Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
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I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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