It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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