i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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