My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
