it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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