that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
this boner is exhausting
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
