ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you traded sex for a burrito?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
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I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
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Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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