Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
