A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
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I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
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I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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