she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
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I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
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Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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