Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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