My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
