My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
