He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
