It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
