i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
