I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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