Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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