the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
