we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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