he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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