And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
