Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
