I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
