You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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