DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
