Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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