sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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