just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
