Non-Jews are for practice
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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