yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
