i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
