i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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