so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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