He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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