I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
