i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
