everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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