Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
